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The Night Before the Leap
When I first started my PhD, I honestly thought these years would be nothing more than a blur of sleepless nights, endless exams, and the constant sense of just trying to survive.
It was a new journey.
One far away from home.
One I knew by heart would take many years.
But I had no idea what it was going to be like.
And whom I was going to share it with.
There were moments I hesitated. The night before I left, I cried.
I don’t cry often (especially not in front of others) but I’m proud to say that crying helps.
It’s always helpful to express your feelings — I know that, you know that.
What I didn’t know was that those tears meant more than one thing.
That night they came from sadness, but with time, they became my happiness.
As they marked the beginning of one of the most cherished chapters of my life.
Was it because I survived them?
Was it because of the people who stayed by my side through it all?
Or maybe it was because the worst moments can turn into the best memories.
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The Art of Barely Getting By
The first year wasn’t tragic. It was just… chaotic.
I showed up thinking I was ready, but within two days I realized I wasn’t.
Classes made no sense. The system was different. And somehow, everything I thought I knew felt like it had been reset.
But I adapted. Not by being the loudest or the smartest — but by doing what worked for me.
I didn’t bury myself in books; instead, I watched a lot of movies and played a lot of games.
What? How is that helpful?
It wasn’t to make my grades better — it was to make my mind lighter, sharper, and able to work longer.
I already learned this during the first year of my Master’s degree.
The art of getting by is more about knowing your limits, pushing them, but never fighting them.
I didn’t thrive. I didn’t shine. Yet I survived — and that was enough.
People think “barely surviving” is a failure.
But sometimes, it’s exactly how you start building something real.
Struggling doesn’t make you weak.
Learning differently doesn’t make you behind.
@@@quote@@@ After all, you just need your own rhythm to grow. @@@end-quote@@@
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The Things That Seem Small
In the thick of it all, there are small, seemingly insignificant things you never think will matter — but somehow, they make everything better.
Like movie nights with a girlfriend.
Even if it was just remote movie nights over a call.
Holding a phone call all day, but having nothing to talk about — but honestly?
That’s more than enough.
Talking nonsense with close friends, ignoring their messages and getting ignored in return.
Playing old games over and over, watching movies you can already recite.
And those nights drinking beers, playing games, and laughing at jokes that would never survive daylight.
Or a call home just to listen to my mom doing her chores,
almost going deaf when she drops her phone.
Getting ignored because the whole family is chatting happily over lunch.
Getting abruptly hung up on by my niece because she wants her grandma back.
Back then, it all felt like routine — nothing remarkable.
But looking back, those “small things” were a big, essential part of my PhD stories.
@@@quote@@@ The smallest moments can make the biggest smiles in your story. @@@end-quote@@@
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Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Right Friend
I met one of my best friends on my very first day of the PhD — at the orientation.
Because I went to the wrong place at the wrong time.
When I think back to that moment, I don’t even remember feeling bad about being lost.
I only remember seeing this bad-looking guy, wearing slippers (yes, on the first day!), standing in front of the wrong room at the wrong time.
After that wrong moment, we became close friends who went through everything together.
He was the guy who kept “teaching” me things I never asked for,
who made sarcasm his main language whenever I worried about anything,
but also the same guy who pushed me through that whole depressing time.
And honestly, the idea for this whole memoir came after I wrote a farewell post for him.
Who knows?
Somehow, that stupid, confusing moment became the start of one of the most lasting friendships I’ve ever had.
So don’t be afraid to be wrong, because:
@@@quote@@@ All the wrong things can be a part of the right thing. @@@end-quote@@@
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The Event I Almost Skipped
There were so many events that I “almost” skipped.
Not because I was busy — but because I was lazy.
Seminars, mixers, gatherings… all those things that sound “important,”
but already feel tiring before even leaving the room.
But every time I dragged myself out — with the classic
“Fine, I’ll go for 20 minutes” —
something unexpectedly good happened.
I met people I clicked with.
People who stayed in my life.
People who taught me what smart really is.
People I even ended up working with later on.
All from events I didn’t even want to attend in the first place.
There was also a trip I almost said no to.
I had every excuse ready: too tired, too late, too much work, too lazy.
But somehow, I went.
And that trip ended up becoming one of the best memories of my entire PhD.
The kind of trip where everything feels easy — the talking, the laughing, the bonding, the “How did we get here?” moments.
The things I almost skipped
became some of the moments I treasure the most.
@@@quote@@@ You never know which “almost skipped” moment might become one of your best stories. @@@end-quote@@@
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Great Companions, Less Suffering
The greatest lessons of my PhD didn’t come from books or lectures — they came from the people who got dragged into the same chaos with me.
It sounds hilarious, but it’s true: whenever you feel stupid, it’s instantly better when you see everyone else is confused too.
When you fail an exam, the real comfort is discovering it wasn’t just you.
When everything felt like it was falling apart, it wasn’t motivation that saved me — it was looking around and realizing I wasn’t alone; that dude was sinking at the same speed. Somehow that made the whole disaster feel… funnier.
It wasn’t about deep friendship yet; just the right companions.
The right number of people who made sure you never felt alone.
A group complaint, a sarcastic comment, a shared “we’re screwed” moment — all of it made things feel so much lighter.
@@@quote@@@ Sometimes that’s all it takes—a couple of good people around you, and the whole journey feels a lot less heavy. @@@end-quote@@@
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Finding Meaning in the Mess
The worst moments of my PhD weren’t really the worst. They were just… unforgettable.
I realize now that it was full of stressful, depressing moments, but it still turned out to be a great journey.
The challenges, the breakdowns, the small victories — those are the moments I’ll cherish.
The best part about life’s toughest moments is that, with time, they transform.
When you’re in the middle of a struggle, it’s hard to see the lessons.
But eventually, those tough moments fade, and all you’re left with are the memories — and the lessons learned.
I never thought that from those crying moments I’d someday gladly say that PhD life was one of the best times of my life.
Every tough moment turned into a lesson, a laugh, a friendship, and a memory.
It might turn out to be the happiest ending.
It might be the funniest chapter.
Or it might just be the best dinner story for your children.
@@@quote@@@ Every chapter in your life is just another happy mess. @@@end-quote@@@
So if you’re in your “worst” moment right now — I’m rooting for you — HANG ON!
Don’t try to forget it; try to remember it.
These may one day be the best memories of your life.
As they were mine.
@@@quote@@@ One day, you’ll look back and realize those are the moments that define your best memories. @@@end-quote@@@
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Ph.D. Final Thoughts
The only thing I can say is: learn what you like, and do what you love.
Listen to opinions, read the articles, take all the advice you can — but use them only as guidelines.
The desire and the decision have to come from you.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be when I started my PhD.
But I was sure that I wanted to have it rather than not have it.
That’s how my PhD became one of my best memories, because it was my decision.
There are thousands of paths to the same success, thousands of steps toward the same goal.
But the journey becomes a lot less painful when you know why you’re doing it.
Don’t be shy about asking for opinions, and don’t be scared to not follow them.
The most important thing for anyone thinking about a PhD is this:
be sure what you want to learn, where you want to study, and — if possible — who you want to succeed (or sink) with.
A famous university might not matter as much as the memories you make.
@@@quote@@@ Listen to your heart, but make a decision with your brain. @@@end-quote@@@